Misconducted Weirdness
by Supa Nova
Summary: Harry Potter/Artemis Fowl crossover. Hillarious parody where Ron falls for Holly (and gets his butt kicked), Harry writes his will, Artemis & Draco go head to head and Voldemort goes squaredancing. Warning: Set after 5th Harry Potter book!!!


Misconducted Weirdness  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own most of the characters, they belong to Eoin Coilfer and J.K. Rowling, I'm writing this story off the top of my head, so I don't know if there'll be any new characters.  
  
Warning: In this story you will be likely to be totally freaked out from the complete insanity. A teaser would be impossible as the author has no clue whatsoever as to what she is doing.  
  
Note: The timeline is after the 5th Harry Potter book (if you haven't read it, get out of here!) and after The Arctic Incident since I haven't read the Eternity Code.  
  
Ready? Here we go!  
  
1:04 AM Fowl Manor Ireland  
  
Artemis Fowl, 13-year-old genius, criminal mastermind and millionaire sat on his bed, wondering why the heck he got stuck with a girl's name (A book of Greek mythology sat beside him). He sighed. "I hope no one finds out, I'd never be able to pull off a decent scheme again." He said aloud. There was a knock at the door. "Artykins, did you take your inhaler and constipation medicine today?" Angeline Fowl asked. The boy hid his head in his hands. Oh, if Butler or Juliet (or worse, Holly!) ever found out. "Yes, Mother." he moaned. "Okay, sweetie, turn out the light!" his mother sang. "Right. Hey Mom? Why did you give me a woman's name? Why couldn't you have just called me Aidan or Josh or something?" The door opened and Angeline swept in. "Well, I never really thought of it like that. You'll have to ask your father when he comes back from the hospital. Of course, the shock might just sling him back into intensive care." she shrugged. "Oh well. Sleep tight, my little genius!" She left Artemis alone in his name anguish. Little did either of them know that somewhere deep within the earth, evil was brewing. And it wasn't a nice cold root beer, either.  
  
That Same Moment Hogwarts Castle Somewhere in Britain  
  
Harry Potter lay sobbing on his four poster bed. He'd just awoken from a terrifying nightmare, reliving the death of his favorite (and only) godfather, Sirius Black. Oh, if only he had been a few seconds faster.  
But it wasn't easy to sleep, knowing that Voldemort was on the loose somewhere. Who knew, maybe right outside his bedroom window! "Aaaaaaaaaah!" Harry screamed, and dove under the covers.  
His screaming awoke his best friend, Ron Weasly. "Ugh Harry, nightmares again? I gotta start wearing earplugs to bed."  
Harry was trembling. "V-v-voldemort's right outside my b-bedroom window!" he said.  
Ron rolled his eyes. "Don't go pulling a Quirrell on me now! C'mon, you gotta get some rest for our duel with Malfoy tomorrow. Remember, he said."  
"Uhh, I don't want to talk about it right now, Ron." He rolled over. " 'Night," Harry said.  
" 'Night."  
  
Little did either of them know that deep within the earth. Whoa! Deva vu!  
  
5 Minutes Earlier  
A Cheap and Crummy Hotel  
The Haven  
Inside the Earth  
  
"This place is a complete dump!" Bellatrix Lestrange exclaimed. "I mean, look at the walls! The foam rubber looks about two centuries old!"  
"Yeah," Antonin Dolohov added. "Yo, boss, couldn't we have crashed at one of those nice four-stars instead?"  
"Shut up, you idiot," replied Lord Voldemort, Dark Lord and one-time squaredance championship winner. "If we had stayed at a high class hotel, the fairy police would be swarming over us like flies on dog. stuff. Besides, I saved a lot of gold, and that's one thing we definitely need right now."  
  
Voldemort and his Death Eaters had fled the Department of Mysteries shortly after the Dark Lord's nemesis, Albus Dumbledore, had showed up, once again foiling his evil plans (c'mon, you read the book!). Knowing they couldn't stay in the wizarding world OR the Muggle one, they had escaped to the realm of the fairies, below the earth. Magic folk were excepted there, yet not always welcome. But, of course, you could always snag a room from a gnome motel manager if you had a big enough wallet.  
Voldemort leaned back on the moldy futon. "Fear not, I've got a plan that'll take Potter off our hands for us. Ever heard of a kid named Artemis Fowl?"  
Voldemort's Death Eaters looked a him like he had slobberworms oozing from his right nostril.  
He sighed. "Ran into the brat a few years back. Quite a handful. They'll finish each other off, no sweat."  
The Death Eaters looked as if the worms were coming from BOTH nostrils, and his left ear.  
"Haven't you idiots ever heard of character crossovers?!"  
"Oh." Came a chorus of idiots.  
  
"Yes indeed, two down without us even having to lift a finger. Muhaha- cmon, laugh with me!"  
  
They laughed until the hotel shook.  
  
"MUHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 


End file.
